Sunday, January 8, 2023

Slapstick vs Freakazoid (Marvel vs Kids WB): Round 1 Fight Blogs

"If we weren't all crazy, we'd just go insane.” - Jimmy Buffet

Slapstick, Marvel's freakishly funny assassin

Freakazoid, Kids WB's insane slapstick superhero

Insanity is a peculiar thing, especially in superhero media. It can lead to you becoming a serial killer destined to drive a billionaire dressed like a bat crazy, a mercenary in tights constantly breaking the 4th Wall, or a little bit of both. Enter these cartoon superheroes in the real world, but who will be the last to say “That's All Folks!”, and whose cartoon shenanigans will prevail?

Round 1: FIGHT!!!

Before We Start…

These two toon-tastic titans will get their straightforward stories. The 616 comics and related appearances/guidebooks for Slapstick, and the original cartoon for Freakazoid. He does appear in other media like in Teen Titans Go! that will be discussed later.


Also, major thank you to the following sources/blogs.


Matchup Madness Blade vs Buffy

Bang’s Blogs Reaper vs US. Agent

Deadpool Respect Thread


Enough of that though, let's get into it!

Background

Slapstick

15 years ago, in an ordinary New Jersey (so already not ordinary) hospital, Steve Harmon was born into the world. He was a...difficult child, being a nerd, geek, and overall class clown with violent tendencies, like the day he was landed in detention by his rival Winston. Wanting revenge, Steve dressed up like a clown and followed Winston and his girlfriend to a Carnival to scare them silly. What he didn't expect was that the carnival was really a front for evil clowns ready to invade from Dimension Ecch, an alternate dimension with cartoonishly crazy people and places. When the unsuspecting couple got kidnapped by these Killer Klowns from Outer Space (Wink) Steve grabbed an oversized Mallet and hopped through the strange portal after them. Going down the metaphorical rabbit hole to wonderland, Steve had his molecules stretched across thousands of Dimensions, causing spatial disturbances the likes of which cosmic tier heroes' senses were shocked by, such as Spider-man, Dr. Strange, Reed Richards, the Silver Surfer, and...Howard the Duck. Steve exited the portal as a warped visual of his costumed self, a living cartoon who would go on to master his new powers in the real world: Slapstick.


With the help of a scientist Groucho Marx, Slapstick would rescue the human captives, overthrow Ecchs evil overlord, and return home as a hero, but not the edgy stereotype the 90’s were known for. If anything, he fought these very people as a parody, in a similar vein to other cartoon heroes of the time like The Mask. Just like him though, there was more nuance to this life than a simple happy-go-lucky cartoon adventure. After years of unsuccessfully trying to play hero, Slapstick wound up in the assassin business, which worsened his condition overall. 


Due to the Civil War Event, Slapstick stayed in his toon form for so long he got permanently stuck in it, so imagine being stuck like some nerds Deviantart project for the rest of your natural life, if you can even die to begin with. Couple that with his toon form not having junk (Yes. Seriously.) and Slapstick found it hard to go on genuinely caring about life due to how it screwed him, like his botched job as one of Deadpool’s Mercs For Money. Eventually though, he would begin to pull his life back together. He went back to his family, and helped them whenever he could…in his own way. Slapstick even wound up returning to and saving Dimension Ecch once more, patching things up with his best friend, and somehow getting the girl at the end. Reminder: he has no penis. That's an accomplishment worthy of God’s if I've ever seen one.


Freakazoid

Enter the tale of a normal kid, with very abnormal powers. Check out Dexter Douglas; nerd computer ace, who went surfing on the internet and was zapped into Cyberspace. This was a result of the mighty Pinnacle Chip, the latest invention of the ol’ textbook billionaire organization. Despite the warnings of Roddy Mcstew, this chip was released to the public despite the knowledge that, if a specific code was implemented into the computer, would turn said person into a Freakazoid. Dexter, being the geek he is, received the chip for Christmas, and soon his cat accidentally typed the very code needed to activate the glitch. This did exactly what Roddy warned of, and turned Dexter into the slapstick superhero, Freakazoid.


As a result of having an essential new personality, Jekyll and Hyde style, Dexter got launched into all sorts of wacky adventures as the newest hero of Washington DC. He's Battled Cave Guy, Longhorn, a Cthulhu resembling demigod named Vorn the Unspeakable, his archenemy The Lobe, and even Gutierrez, the creator of the Pinnacle Chip, while he had Freakazoid's very powers. While his home and school life were nothing to write home about, as Freakazoid, he was loved by all, and had the ability to do almost anything. So, he should be happy, right? Well, having the knowledge that people around you only care for the freak instead of the geek has weighed on Dexter for months, and not exactly helped his personal life either.


Despite that rather depressing knowledge, Freakazoid is always there to help Dexter out. Not only has he gained genuine friends in police like Cosgrove, but acted as a super-powered Dexter in a sense, like saving his date with his girlfriend Steph, who he also has feelings for (huh). Even though he is a gag hero, he's still legitimately saved an untold number of people, and I kid you not, accidently traveled back in time, then took the opportunity to stop the attack on Pearl Harbor. Of course, he still found the time to channel that 90’s Spielberg energy and wreak havoc on the 4th Wall, all while proving from Geek to Freak, there's nobody better for the task of annoying evildoers than Freakazoid!


Also he canonically became a hero to impress the ladies (-12:16 - -11:47).


Experience & Skill

Slapstick


While you may not expect Slapstick to be much of a fighter, due to being a clown cartoon and all, he's actually quite gifted in battle. In his early adventures, he saved Dimension Ecch, fought the obvious Punisher rip-off Overkiller, outsmarted a killer robot, and snuck the Neutron Bum while he was distracted. After the events of Civil War, with some training from heroes like the Thing, Slapstick became an assassin in Deadpool's “Mercs For Money”: enough to wear the tights in his place amongst others for a weird PR scheme. In such endeavors, he's used a magnet to short out some robots on top of fighting several batches to rescue someone, and fighting martial arts master/top tier fighter Taskmaster with no issue. After cutting ties because Deadpool was a horrible boss, he also outsmarted both Wade and Spider-Man, while trolling them nonetheless.


Even on his own, he's whacked a guy's teeth out to bat them at his allies, stole a K.O'd enemies uniform to trick the other thugs into a misfire, and defeated the living supercomputer Quasimodo. Speaking of, not only did he help Quasi build part of a portal to Dimension Ecch, but he finished it all by himself with Darkweb tech in a single night. After going back, he fought nazi cats and several other cartoon threats; even the evil Queen ruling it all while flashing in and out of being human again, meaning he did so without his Cartoon powers. As for how long he's been doing this, Slapstick has mentioned he’s in his 20's, with a Guidebook saying he was 15 when he originally started being a living cartoon.


Freakazoid


As the premier defender and rescuer of Washington DC (unless something better's on TV), Freakazoid has fought basically every kind of villain you can think of. Super-geniuses, giant snakes and monsters, super-strong thugs like Cave Guy, and even people with his same powers, like Gutierrez. While he has his… stupid moments, to be sure, Freakazoid is pretty smart when need be. He's outsmarted a snake in a sewer to have it trap itself (-3:28 - -2:35), goaded villainous partners into arguing with each other (-5:00 - -4:08), and used glasses to deflect energy blasts (-2:30 - -2:19). When trapped inside a video game by Gutierrez, Freakazoid managed to navigate a treacherous castle, find a key, and unlock a bomb strapped to him in under an hour (-8:27 - 3:32). For overall experience, Season 1’s finale took place 6 months (6 MONTHS???) after he got his powers (-8:27), and Season 2 obviously takes place after, so assuming similar could get him up to a year overall.

Arsenal

Slapstick

Hammer/Gertie

As a befitting overcompensation due to his…missing equipment, Slapstick typically wields a large extradimensional hammer he dubbed Gertie. There's been a lot of versions and types of hammers; sledgehammers, wooden mallets, etc, but its usual garb is a big toy-like hammer that can bash in any skull Slapstick wants. Even better, he can somehow spawn dozens to launch at people in moments, like a machine gun that fires hammers. Ah, one can only dream…

Bro-Man's Sword

By the power of Grey Sku-oh sorry, that's the wrong version and copyright infringement. By the power of GreyKIN, Slapstick can use this almighty sword belonging to a very obvious rip-off of everybody's favorite 80's speedo wearing warrior. After using it to kill its wielder, Slapstick kept it for himself, and although it was zapped away by a Wizard, he still had it for a while before that. This sword can not only channel lightning, but it's been stated to be able to “cut through anything” and that's been pretty accurate across the board. Not only has it enabled Bro-Man to cut his way across dimensions to get from Ecch to Earth (no seriously), but it even cut through electroplasm and disabled its healing properties. For reference, Electroplasm is indestructible, and has enabled Slapstick himself to shrug off nuclear explosions or attacks from herald level foes like The Thing or Ragnarok. So the “cut through anything” statements are pretty valid, and Slapstick has used it himself to slash through electroplasm creatures like nobody's business. 


Quasimodo's Arm-Cannon

In a run-in with the Fantastic Four's supercomputer nemesis, Slapstick was subjected to his own arm-cannon, which splattered his arm into goop. This was modified to specifically affect Slapstick's Electroplasm nature via a select frequency, and after defeating him despite this, Slapstick kept the arm for himself. With it being the same frequency, it can quickly turn Electroplasm creatures to puddles, and he used it against them with Bro-Man's Sword multiple times before both were BFR'd, meaning he considered both solutions to Electroplasm immortality. 


Gloves/Sub-Space

Any good ‘toon worth their salt can pull almost anything out of their ass with no real rhyme or reason, and Slapstick's only difference is he has a logical reason…which kinda defeats the purpose bit whatever. Given to him by Ecch's Scientist Supreme, these gloves had two purposes: One, to turn him to and from his forms but that was lost to time, and two, to house a special sub-space that acts as storage for anything he wants. Thus, he can stash whatever he wants in there, then pull it out just as easily. Weirder examples have him store a cup of coffee inside without spilling it, or use a still working hose somehow. He can spawn these items in sparkling energy from anywhere on his body, bypass high-tech sensors through their nature, and have been called Infinite pockets by Steve and others who know how his powers work. That said, he has used, but is not inherently limited to the following.

Freakazoid

Freakmobile

When you're a parody of other cartoons at the time, it makes sense you'll drive around in your own batmobile (doesn't hurt merchandising either). Ergo, Freakazoid has his own car, the Freakmobile™. Beyond just being a rapid vehicle for chasing down the scum of the Earth, the Freakmobile has several features from which Freakazoid can access. This includes a radio to Cosgrove (-15:18), jet boosters to both go much faster (-9:49 - -9:25) and even fly (-10:19), as well as more… toon-like features. Such oddities bear items like a Buzz setting to have a buzzsaw hand pop out, as well as a magnet hand, and a slingshot to launch Lobe beyond the horizon (-1:43 - 1:08). There's also a robot boot to kick others away, and a robot hand that can somehow tear the show's screen away for a commercial break (-15:36 - -15:49), or reach to the Great Wall of China to tear off a chunk of it in seconds (-11:13 - -10:47).


Abilities

Slapstick

Electroplasm Physiology

After getting his atoms scrambled between thousands of Dimensions, Steven became a living cartoon in the form of Slapstick. This comparison is true in multiple regards, and Slapstick is the equivalent of putting a cartoon in the shoes of a bounty hunter; resulting in death to all who face him. This not only boosted his overall physique, but also let him bounce around rooms Daffy Duck style, manipulate his own body any way he likes, and ignore basically any kind of physical damage. This transformation also removed any human aspect, like organs (to his great annoyance) and made him basically immune to the concept of pain, except when it's funny of course. This is all due to what he is composed of: Electroplasm. 


This unique substance is an anomaly in such a sense it's a living middle finger to the laws of physics. Composed of living and unstable molecules, Electroplasm is virtually indestructible, and permeable in nature. He can assume any form, limited only by his imagination and mass, such as duplicating his arms, and nothing can really hurt him in any metric. The only exception would be electricity, which has a complicated relationship with Electroplasm. Due to its unstable nature, Slapstick originally needed a good shock at the correct frequency to turn into what he is, and to keep him from splattering into a puddle due to no cohesion. Thus, a counter charge at the correct frequency will splatter him into paste, effectively killing him until he is shocked right again, which happened when KIA exploited this and Iron Man saved him later. However, if you don't have the correct frequency, you'll only make things worse, as Slapstick can absorb electricity to boost his physique and power, and even other electricity is ineffectual in harming him. This control over Electromagnetism is rather unique, in that he can manipulate it himself, like to open locker doors without a trace of his involvement, earning praise from soldiers that he knows what he's doing. Therefore, only the specific frequency will get rid of Slapstick, as otherwise, you're stuck with him. 


Enhanced Elasticity/Shape-Shifting

Due to Electroplasm's malleable nature, Slapstick can stretch, squash, flip, and flop his body any way he wants; once again limited only by imagination and mass. He can stretch and grow his face, or the rest of his body for that matter, even blowing his flattened self back up like a balloon, or achieving physically impossible contortion. In terms of Shape-Shifting, he can turn his body into a giant hammer, blow up his body for a boost in size/strength which he also did to his arm, and even cloned his arms while still connected to his body, or make entirely new ones in the event he is somehow dismembered. Also he can stretch his tongue the length of an entire tower, and apparently use it to make up for his empty netherregions. N-no really. That seriously happened.


Healing Factor/Regeneration

Yet another trait of cartoons is their timeless ability to stare death in the eye, then laugh in its face at the mere idea that they could ever experience something like that. Electroplasm's own qualities make it basically indestructible to damage or attack, and in the off chance Slapstick is damaged, he can just as easily heal his wounds with no problem. He's been slammed around or flattened into a pancake on several occasions, but also healed from getting his head disintegrated, having a hole blasted in his chest, impalement, getting half his body crushed, zipping his body up after nearly getting bisected, and much more.


Breaking bones (if he even has any) is but a scratch, when he can heal from a broken jaw or back with no issue. Gunfire does little (especially when he can just spit it right back at you) and it's been stated he could survive his head exploding, getting burned alive forever, or even that toons simply “don't expire”; hell, according to Captain America, Slapstick can “recover from any injury” and is indestructible, which another guidebook backs up. This even extends to foes far stronger than him, like tanking and surviving attacks from Elloe Kaifi of the World Breaker Hulk's Warbound, the Tactigon (Herald™ weapon), Radioactive Man, the Thing, or Ragnarok, a robotic clone of Thor.


4th Wall Breaking

Befitting a comic parody from the 1990's, Slapstick has frequently proven aware of his own medium. Not only has he leaned on the cover of his own comic book, but demanded his own series, acknowledged/talked to the reader, read his own stories, referenced real events in other comic book franchises entirely, smiled at the reader, banged on the cover of his comic and pleaded for a new series, or simply said his dying would be his “last collectible appearance”. 


Resistances

Freakazoid

Cyberspace Physiology

As Roddy (Dexter's mentor who knows full-well the subject) details, the Pinnacle Chip's glitch would zap the user with all the information of the internet, overloading their mind and causing their Freaky abilities. This includes super-strength, and the ability to do almost anything (-19:16 - -17:59), which has been stated again on other occasions (-3:48 - -3:40). In Dexter's case, he was zapped into electricity and warped into Cyberspace, flying as a bolt of lightning that promptly turned into the Freakazoid we all know and… tolerate. (-14:18 - -13:00). This actually disrupted the entire internet on a worldwide scale (-12:37 - -12:24), further cementing the “all the information of the internet” bit.


For more details on what this entails, it essentially gave Dexter an alternate personality in the form of Freakazoid, where they are two parts of the same whole (-8:11), and to the point that Freak can manifest on Dexter's own body if he wants to through an extra head (-11:47 - -11:21). The two naturally share similar goals, and Dexter can turn into Freakazoid through saying “Freak out!” (-16:45 - -16:38). When not in use, Freak resides in the Freakazone, his own world inside Dexter's mind (-16:28 - -15:23). When on the playing field, Freakazoid can manifest usually however he wants, like how simply transforming into him has melting Dexter into a puddle to turn back into Freakazoid (-2:29 - -2:20), or stretching into a small circle to reform as the Freak (-9:55).


Regardless of presentation, Freakazoid really can do pretty much anything he wants, like how he has frequently (-9:30) traveled (-3:34) as (-4:14 - -3:56) actual (-12:14 - -12:00) electricity/lightning (-15:33); as (-7:12) a (-18:01) means (-4:01 - -3:57) of speed (-4:41 - 4:32), or just to remind everyone of his digital origin. Furthering his versatility, he has somehow teleported right outside Uranus (-7:54), showcased enhanced senses in hearing a guy raking in Tibet (-10:49 - -10:08), bulked up his own body when pissed off for added strength (-6:01), sucked all the air out of his body to become super-thin and blow himself back to normal (-9:15 - -9:03), or even flown through the air, despite others saying he can't fly (-6:58). All of this comes from an internal energy field of sorts, due to being a virtual cyber-being, but it also comes with the caveat that a disruption in this field will have him pass out (-16:11 - -15:23) and “glitch” (-13:52), so to speak. As elaborated on, this was due to Gutierrez somehow sabotaging  the energy field that powers Freak on the outside, to the point that an hour more of it would have him basically die (-12:39 - -11:48). Still, it’s a pretty specific flaw, and that energy field has enabled him to power on through all types of damage without getting tired, so he’s likely to be fine all things considered.


Hammerspace

With the metaphorical “magic satchel” that most cartoons have, Freakazoid can pull out most weapons he has right on the spot. From your average tools and weapons like ticking time bombs (-1:16 - -0:37), jetpacks (-8:53 - -8:25), and glasses that can deflect energy blasts (-2:30 - -2:19), to freakier stuff, like a full-on bodysuit of himself that he wore over his body to troll the Lobe (-1:16 - -0:37). This also includes more miscellaneous gear which will be listed below.

4th Wall Breaking

Given he is a Steven Spielberg cartoon in the 90’s, Freakazoid inherited the same style of humor where he is fully aware he is in a cartoon. His literal first appearance has him state he’s in “the show,” and believe me, it only gets worse from there (-15:22 - -15:00). He has frequently (-18:30) spoken (-11:03 - -10:55) to (-16:45 - -16:38) those (-14:47) watching the show, including about topics related to the cartoon itself, like being drawn bigger by the artists (-19:57 - -19:54), or about not being on prime time (-7:28). He’s furthered this as well, like showing knowledge of how long an episode’s plot (-2:29 - -2:20) took to use him (-15:15), or of other episode-reliant factors like testing certain additions in earlier episodes (-13:07), the animation budget for the season (-11:36 - -11:29), or evn the show's runtime (-8:40 - -9:28). 


He’s even gone as far as to speak directly to the narrator and address him by name while also talking of other narrators like the one from Earthworm Jim (-20:48 - 20:22), or flat-out call up the new production assistance of the show (-4:21 - -3:43). Of course, he’s also altered the very show itself, like literally walking off set (-12:56 - -12:10) or doing a “take two” for a scene (-19:41 - -19:33) like it was a filmed show (which is possible to be honest…). Even crazier, he has puppeted a narrator that acted as such for the show itself (-13:43 - -13:20), lifted up the Relax-O-Vision part of the screen to talk to the guy who made it (-10:41 - -10:29), or interrupt it outright to do a spoof on a news broadcast about Kids WB (-8:38 - -8:10).


Telekinesis

As an application of Freakazoid's unlimited potential, he has utilized telekinesis after training from Roddy. Through concentrated meditation, he trained in it by reaching out with his mind (-15:53 - -14:50), and while he initially struggled, Freak soon got the hang of it. He used it to lift (-13:15 - -13:00) objects (-6:00 - -5:28), shove villains back (-3:26) and float objects towards him (-4:11 - -3:46), with it being noted his rage is what helps him use these powers, meaning he needs to get mad to use it (-1:25).


Resistances

  • Mental Drain - Resisted Mental drain/switch through thinking other thoughts and etc (-2:52 - 2:17)

  • Electricity - Got blasted by electricity from Invisibo (-9:12 - 9:05), but wasn't hurt much (-4:30).


Feats

Slapstick

Overall

  • Saved Dimension Ecch, than returned years later to save it again

  • Has worked alongside the New Warriors, the Avengers Initiative program, and Deadpool’s Mercs For Money

  • Became an accomplished mercenary

  • Held his own against Taskmaster

  • Defeated Overlord, Overkiller, the Neutron Bum, Quasimodo, Bro-Man

  • Pulled a baddie

    • This man has no penis

Power

Speed

Durability

Freakazoid

Overall

  • Rescued Washington DC on several occasions

  • Annoyed his co-workers and villains several times over

  • Gave the Animaniacs a run for their money in amount of time spent breaking the 4th Wall

  • Crossed over with the Animaniacs, Pinky & the Brain, and Teen Titans Go!

  • Defeated Cave Guy, Candle Jack, Vorn the Unspeakable, The Lobe, Gutierrez

  • Weirdly successful in getting lucky

Power

Speed

Durability

Scaling

Slapstick

Deadpool 

Across his mercenary adventures, Slapstick has certainly proved comparable to Marvel’s merc with the mouth. Not only has he been considered good enough to stand in his proxy on missions, but he's smashed his chest hard enough to make him vomit, jumped and severely injured him, and fought one of his main villains, Taskmaster, on equal footing. Thus, he would be comparable to any feat listed below.

Other notable Street Tiers

Through Deadpool, Slapstick should scale to the vast majority of Marvel street tiers. 


Captain America has…

Wolverine has…

Moon Knight has… 

Freakazoid

His Freaky Foes

Not only does Freakazoid drive his villains crazy, he beats them crazy as well. He's single handedly defeated pretty much every villain in the show, so by proxy he would compare to anything they can do, and more.


Cave Guy can…

  • Smashed through a wall (-14:22)

  • Threw police cars and used a street pole like a bat to send more flying (-19:18 - -18:46) 

  • Cave Guy and Longhorn have the strength of 20 men (-2:38)


Longhorn can…

  • Bashed into and knocked down a massive statue, which promptly fell on both himself and Freakazoid (-13:52 - -13:21)

  • Cave Guy and Longhorn have the strength of 20 men (-2:38)


Invisibo can…

Vorn the Unspeakable can…

  • Vorn said “The skulls of those who defy me bleach in the sun's of 100 worlds.” (-3:57 - -3:43)

    • Kind of unquantifiable


The Lobe can…

Gutierrez

Gutierrez waa the original leader of the company that designed the Pinnacle Chip, and Freakazoid's greatest foe besides the Lobe. Freakazoid not only obviously outmatched his human form, but even defeated him when he had Freakazoid's own powers

  • While human, survived being launched through several buildings and back (-14:07 - -13:16)

  • by an eyepatch Freakazoid pulled… from Tibet (2.397 - 6.392 Tons of TNT)

  • Gutierrez has a button to vaporize the entire world (-16:04), which is stated again (-15:18) and the actual button label (-14:35)

    • Funny how this doesn't scale to anybody but still

  • After becoming a Freakazoid doppelganger, he would obviously scale to Freakazoid's feats, thus acting as support for Freakazoid being on the level he is through beating Gutierrez


Weaknesses

Slapstick

Slapstick is obviously not perfect in any metric. His casual nature due to conventional Immortality and a violent sense of humor has led to his being taken out by more intelligent foes who can manipulate his weaknesses on several occasions. He has been knocked out before, can get reverted in time to before he got his powers and when he was a human, is still affected by fear hallucinations from Nightmare, and Electroplasm can have its main properties shut off via magic dampening radiation. As for Electroplasm itself, the specific frequency I keep mentioning can splatter his limbs or body into paste, as proven with KIA/The Tactigon and Quasimodo, who both came to this conclusion in order to kill him. The former succeeded, and Slapstick had to be brought back later by Iron Man reversing this effect. He can also be harmed by weapons composed of Electroplasm such as Bro-Man's Sword, and all of this will happen if he isn't careful. 


Freakazoid

Even though Freakazoid is by all means a “super-teen extraordinaire,” he is by no means a Batman or Superman. His own defense, though insane (and humorous) has been noted to not save him from something like Pulverization (-6:38 - -6:02). Worse still is his intelligence, which, while impressive at times, is kind of embarrassing at others. He’s spoke Candle Jack's name despite literally everybody telling him not to (-13:44 - -13:05), and flat-out told Gutierrez his weakness, AND HELPED BUILD THIS WEAKNESS AS A CAGE. Furthering that, repeated physical trauma caused him to mentally withdraw and regress into a blubbering idiot (-11:10 - -10:47). As for actual flaws, returning to the Gutierrez example, Freakazoid’s powers will cancel out when trapped by graphite bars charged with negative ions, (-11:21 - -9:51), which actually does have some grounds, strangely enough. Graphite is a material you’d likely recognize in batteries, as they are excellent conductors, and allow electrons to move freely inside it for example, like to find positive particles in order to “become whole”. In this case, there are no positive particles, and only negative ones, resulting in a lack of palpable energy for Freakazoid. This matters because Freakazoid has shown similar flaws in regards to power sources, due to being a cyberspace being. We mentioned earlier that Gutierrez tampered with his energy field, which caused him to glitch and pass out (-16:11 - -15:23) multiple times (-13:52), to the point that he would die in an hour if left like this (-12:39 - -11:48), and that he had to fix the glitch later (-1:29). On another occassion, after getting shocked by an outlet (-14:42 - -13:59) connected to Lobe’s video sapper, it “shorted out his circuits” and made him go haywire to the point of being unable to effectively transform back into Dexter (-12:28 - -11:25), along with various other power malfunctions though being “shorted out” (-4:43 - -4:32).


Before The Verdict (If Needed)

Is Slapstick a Herald?

One question that might come up with Slapstick, as it does with all comic characters at this point, is if he's secretly a Herald. Surprisingly, in a way, he is, though not entirely. Physical strength and speed-wise, he's your average street tier, but durability wise, Electroplasm is just absurd. Due to its indestructibility and healing, Slapstick has shrugged off attacks from multiple Heralds before. You can't exactly call these outliers either given how Electroplasm works, and the examples prove it.

  1. The Thing threw him across town, and he got back up no worse for the wear. 

  2. Fought Kaifi of WW Hulk's Warbound, and ignored getting stabbed by her.

  3. Shrugged off a punch from that Tactagon. While this weapon is based on exploiting weaknesses, even its basic attacks have killed Avengers level threats.

  4. Walked off a blast from Radioactive Man

  5. Survived a strike from Ragnarok, the evil robot clone of Thor.


In all of these examples, Slapstick has survived hits from Herald tier fighters with no real issue. So, he's effectively that durable, but nowhere near that strong.


How do you kill Slapstick?

Slapstick's absurd immortality is obviously incredibly hard to get past in a vs scenario, but there are ways. The best overall way is to utilize that specific electric frequency, and splatter his body into goo. Other than that, as proven, he is vulnerable to mental effects like fear induced illusions (though he has resisted mind control before), can be altered on a temporal basis to before he got his powers, have them mostly nullified by magic dampening radiation, and he can be knocked out. For a few points though, the issue where he was knocked out is that has only happened once against a foe logically nowhere near the herald people he has walked off hits from without passing out. Currently, he's never really suffered from this problem. As for the magic dampening thing, it's…weird? At no point is Electroplasm ever stated to be magic, so maybe it's just a technicality at that point. 


Other than these methods, you might be asking the obvious one: What about disintegration? Well, it's unlikely this can work, and even if so, it's possible he can come back. In short, it's been stated before he can recover from any injury, even by military level sources with the resources to back up their claims like Steve Rogers/S.H.I.E.L.D, and in several more cases that Electroplasm is “indestructible”. Even when faced with other scientists and objects like the Tactagon capable of determining weaknesses, they always turn to the electric frequency, instead of, say, disintegration. Again, the Tactagon is fully capable of doing so, but it chose to exploit the frequency to actually kill him. Therefore, if he could be killed via disintegration, we've seen little proof for it.


Freakazoid’s Crossover Conundrums

Like most cartoons made by a creator with other projects, Freakazoid has crossed over with other creations of Steven Spielberg, and there are a litany of projects across his work with easter eggs for example.


Jumping right in, the most famous example would be the Animaniacs, who have shown up in Freakazoid media before. Most of these can simply be relegated to funny little easter eggs that don't really give any credence to scaling, like the Warners singing a rendition of his theme in their style, or writing desk gags where Steven goes back to writing their show for the day. He even appeared in their show for a gag where he was looking for the set of his very own show, which sort of makes sense when he has walked off set for gags and is apparently less wacky “off-camera.” This also includes Pinky & the Brain, which only really shows up as a gag after Freakazoid created a time paradox, resulting in an end-of-episode gag where Brain was the president and Pinky was his pilot (-0:56). You are also probably familiar with the gag where both Wakko and the Brain showed up in Freakazoid! to argue with Freak about who Steven’s favorite cartoon was, but that was just… a normal argument, which could be taken as a gag in general given the characters disappeared right after, and Steven for some reason showed no knowledge of any of them despite having created them (-10:37 - -9:16). The only real argument left would be Freakazoid’s brief appearance in the Animaniacs comic series, where they treated it like he actually met them. The issue then would be that he never really fights them or does anything that would lead into scaling. If you wanted to be blunt, at one point he was getting beaten by a martial artist Dot promptly scared off with a bazooka summon (yes really).


The next and only other example of this would be Freakazoid appearing in Teen Titans Go!, where he met and fought alongside the Titans. This in a vacuum seems okay, as the cartoon itself noted Spielberg gave permission for this to happen as a crossover, despite Freak noting he would be picky about it. So, you could argue he was fine with it in a canon sense… but there’s really nothing supporting it beyond that. Even if it was canon, it still wouldn’t make sense for Freakazoid to scale to the Titans at their best, or the Animaniacs for that matter, considering both of their shows are gag based first and foremost. That makes it a little fishy for a crossover to suddenly scale to the best feats these characters have ever pulled off, especially given they can and have varied internally to showings much less than their peaks. For example, older Looney Tunes make a big deal out of simple guns and bullets, like in Elmer Fudd or Yosemite Sam chasing Bugs Bunny. Obviously all parties have much higher feats, but in the context of a single story, they aren’t going to be treated like the one time in a random comic where Sam became a constellation. This may seem like an abstract way of being stingy, but the reason this applies to Freakazoid is because he never appears in any actual fight or showing against these characters at their most gag-centric, on top of these crossovers almost always being more of a joke than anything else. It’s also important to note that, as wacky as Freakazoid is, he’s still treated as somewhat grounded, in an obvious parody of more grounded heroes like Batman. These crossovers never paint him as stronger than he actually is for a good reason, and the gag-based makeup of them, as well as no real consistent or confirmed canonicity make it a no-go for any kind of scaling.


For a simple comparison, this would be like making Slapstick fully a Herald because one time he fought Elloe of Hulk’s warbound, despite Spider-Man running rings around him at one point, simply because the instance showed him as comparable when overall he is not. No cross-scaling for Freakazoid.

Verdict

For the first time (online anyway), I have written a script for this fight. Fitting, given it was my first blog, and this is a new spin on it. Please tell me if y’all enjoy, and if you want to see anything similar in future projects (I won’t write scripts for ALL of them, just the ones I really like). Without further ado, here is my script. Obviously spoilers, so if you’d rather read the verdict and THEN the script, or vice versa, thats fine to.


Here it be. Enjoy!


Stats

Befitting two looney-tuney oh-so cartoony wacky powerhouses, there are several stat angles to go over for both characters. Starting with the lesser levels, both have done relatively similar feats of raw strength on their own, and compete with others around that level. For example, Slapstick can crack the ground severely with a sledgehammer, while Freakazoid can smash Vorn into a car to damage it pretty decently. Further examples like smashing through walls or destroying buildings on either side are matched through Steven and Dexter scaling to the street tiers and Freak’s foes, so it mostly evens out. For pure numbers however, it unquestionably turns to Freakazoid’s favor. Slapstick beating the snot out of Deadpool and fighting people on his level, like Taskmaster, obviously puts him in Deadpool’s range of durability, like getting punched out of Krakoa with nearly a kiloton of TNT. Other feats in this regard are consistent for Marvel, like the many explosions Captain America survived that can level multiple city blocks, or Wolverine solidly defeating a foe who can move mountains (1.6 Kilotons). Now, we all know about recent findings and recalcs as a result of some other blogs, and I’m not going to try and debate any of these or “add new feats” or anything like that, as it simply won’t change the result of who is stronger. 


On Freakazoid’s side, not only has he beaten foes like the Lobe who can survive massive factory explosions, but also survived several nuclear bombs himself, with the best being outright stated to bear a yield of 800 Megatons. Not only did Freakazoid obviously tank this, but he has knocked himself out with a mallet, and fought foes who can damage him, so he would scale in strength as well. This places him over 100,000 times stronger than Slapstick, and that much more durable than his own strength, which is a huge difference between them. However, you might be thinking that would extend to making Freakazoid himself more durable than Slapstick, but in truth, Steven holds that advantage to a nigh-unbeatable degree. Due to the properties of Electroplasm (which is indestructible mind you), Slapstick is basically a living toon, and can shrug off nearly any kind of damage just like one. The best direct feat this has shown is him being pretty much fine after surviving a nuclear blast from the Neutron Bum at ground zero, which could get up to 244.88 Megatons of TNT, which isn’t that far behind Freakazoid. It’s also important to note that Slapstick wasn’t really hurt by this in any major metric, whereas Freakazoid’s second example of tanking a nuke charred his whole body and hurt him to a more noticeable degree. In that scenario, their durability would be about even (Slapstick upscales from his value/Freakazoid downscales from his value), but Slapstick would recover from the damage much quicker. It is worth noting however that this particular feat could be lessened depending on how much rock and cement was actually vaporized there, and previous calcs for it (that I lost because I’m dumb) can get much lower. 


Through that perspective, Freakazoid would naturally be tougher in a calculable term no matter what, as you can’t really poke holes in his own durability or debate it the same way Slapstick can be done. However, that isn’t the full story, as Slapstick’s body has naturally survived strikes from foes MUCH stronger than Freakazoid with little issue, like Ragnorak or Radioactive Man. Other examples exist like Elloe Kafki, Tactagon, and the Thing, where you could debate if they were actually hitting with intent to hurt (Thing wasn’t at his most serious and the Tactagon primarily targets weaknesses even though it has Herald™ feats without doing so and etc) but neither of the former cases were holding back or would hold back against Steven. Makes sense, as once again, Slapstick is indestructible by all accounts besides things that actively target weaknesses or weapons from Ecch that can bypass Electroplasm’s properties. As such, while Slapstick can’t match Freakazoid in strength or outmatch his durability, Freakazoid’s own strength and durability can’t stack up to Slapstick’s durability, nor can his power ever put Slapstick down reliably. 


Next up, we gave Speed, which is much easier to determine. Both have dodged all manner of projectiles like bullets, moved at hypersonic speeds to dodge electricity or move so fast you catch fire, and more. In a physical sense, Freakazoid is much faster, as his greatest speed feat, running from Washington DC to Tibet in 5 seconds, lands an admirable Mach 7,163.693, which is just shy of 1% the speed of light (.081961576% SoL if you're curious). While Slapstick can't run that fast, he can certainly react at that speed, and more, given his scaling to Deadpool and foes like Taskmaster. This easily places him at comparable levels to Deadpool dodging lightspeed Optic Blasts from Cyclops, which is over 100 times faster than Freakazoid can move or react. Freakazoid’s Nanosecond line is likely a joke with no real reason to buy it given he has no feats on that level, and anything that could place Freakazoid as similar to Slapstick in speed, like lasers, are things he never reacts to in the show (there's only one possible example of a legit laser and he never dodges it). So, Slapstick solidly takes the speed advantage.


Freakazoid takes strength and is much more durable than Slapstick’s own power, but Slapstick himself is much more durable than Freakazoid due to Electroplasm’s nature, and can’t be killed by Freakazoid’s own strength as a result. What's more, Slapstick himself is much faster than Freakazoid, and can certainly react to his attacks despite his better movement speed. That is quite a pickle, so it is up to any other factor in their arsenals and whatnot to determine who can actually put the other down.

Arsenal & Abilities

Moving on to the most crucial angle of the fight, let’s see just what zany nonsense these two are packing, or rather lacking, Slapstick (heh).


For their arsenals, both have demonstrated varying levels of Hammerspace that lets them store any item or weapon they want. They haven’t showcased the ability to pull out literally anything, so they won’t be having the other’s Kryptonite or an item akin to it if they haven’t shown it off. For what they have, Slapstick obviously has Gertie, as well as his varying hammers, with which he can unleash deadly hits or spawn in quick succession to overwhelm foes… somehow. His Subspace pockets have housed all number of useful tools, like a shield, Spartan helmet, various weapons (chainsaws, maces, spears, buzzsaw, etc), explosives like dynamite or a litany of grenades, boxing gloves (normal or gun), with the list going on and on. Among the better tools outside something like a balloon sword or a lighter to fart fire, he’s used high-tech guns and a magnet to short out robots, as well as the obvious weapons he’s used to combat Electroplasm beings like himself. This includes Quasimodo’s arm cannon, that can splatter Electroplasm beings via affecting the weakness they are weak too, or Bro-Man’s Sword of Greykin, which can “cut through anything” like dimensions themselves to traverse through them, and even cut through Electroplasm, despite it being indestructible. 


As for Freakazoid, he's shown similar hammerspace, with plenty of useful tools like Binoculars and a flashlight, but of course more combat-oriented ones take precedence, like a jetpack to fly, energy reflecting sunglasses, or any of his bombs. Chief among these would be the Freakmobile, which can help Freak rocket around the area or through the air. Not only that, bit it can use buzzsaw or magnet hands, or attack/grab people with normal hands. 


So, when compared, it should come as no surprise that Slapstick prevails in arsenal. In the simplest of terms, when comparing their hammerspace, Freakazoid really hasn't shown anything that impressive. Slapstick has basically all of his important weapons like bombs in greater quantities, more useful tools in general like high-tech guns, and matching gear to even the Freakmobile through magnets and chainsaws. It doesn't exactly help Freakazoid's case that Slapstick’s pockets are actual factual hammerspace, and not just the classic cartoon staple of pulling items out of your ass because. He's always going to have more to throw out due to how they work and how many weapons he's shown off, let alone the sheer potency of his best gear, which we'll talk about in a second.


Moving on to an even more crucial factor, let's discuss abilities. Both of them can do literally anything they can think of, so let's discuss just what that entails. On Slapstick's end, Electroplasm’s abilities let him manipulate his form to any shape, limited only by imagination and mass. This let's him shape-shift and stretch his limbs like his tongue several dozen or hundred feet with no issue, and achieve other effects like blowing up his flattened body/blowing up an increased muscle mass, or cloning limbs for attacking more at once. His best ability would be the sheer tenacity of the material, which can shrug off explosions, electricity, and all kinds of damage, while buffing his healing no less. This has let him survive physical damage on the level of getting flattened into a pancake or having his body crushed, impalement and bisection, gunshot wounds, or getting his head disintegrated. He can instantly recover from broken bones or simply zip his body back to normal when bisected (which was only via Electroplasm mind you) and reportedly come back from any injury. Slapstick can also break the 4th Wall, whether by acknowledging he is in a comic, or by messing with the bounds of it in his own ways. He’s also pretty proficient in controlling or reacting to energy, like how he can mess with electromagnetics as shown in his opening a locker and earning praise from investigators, and how his absorbing electricity massively boosts his strength.


In Freakazoid's corner, his own nature as a Cyberspace being granted him the potential to do almost anything. For a more specific list, he can turn into electricity to fly and zip around, somehow show up near other planets (likely not combat applicable), use enhanced senses to hear people in other countries, bulk up his own body for a boost in strength, or blow his body back to normal after making himself thin for a laugh. He can fly, and push through extreme amounts of pain, with his turning into Freakazoid melting Dexter into a puddle and stretching him as well (more on that later). Dexter and Freakazoid themselves are basically separate entities, though Freakazoid himself obviously holds more control here, and Freak can also use telekinesis for several purposes, which include lifting objects, shoving foes back, and floating objects towards him. All of this (as well as a resistance to electricity and mental draining) come from his internal energy field, which is rather impressive, but does have its own flaws that we will discuss soon.


So, comparing these angles, Slapstick once again takes the advantage. While Freakazoid may have the potential to do anything, he can’t actually warp reality like any other wacky cartoon powerhouse on the fly. When you compare what he has shown to Slapstick, he is clearly inferior. Granted, they are similar in a few areas, like blowing up their flattened body’s or increasing their muscle mass for a boost in strength, but all other areas paint a clear difference. Electroplasm as a whole is much more versatile than Freakazoid’s Cyberspace-based powers, like in shape-shifting, where Slapstick can do pretty much anything he wants. This includes duplicating arms to combo with more deadly weapons, and naturally stretching his limbs much longer. Not only does this provide greater area control, but lets Slapstick naturally escape any confrontation that goes south for him. While Freakazoid has displayed decent stretching while Dexter turns into him, he’s never really shown it himself, and certainly not to the degree of Slapstick. 


Taking Freakazoid’s wider powers into account, none of them help much either. His showing up near other planets (which could imply teleportation) has never been used in combat, his enhanced senses were a one-off that don’t clue him in on any relevant factors, and his own resistances don’t let him ignore Slapstick’s gear. His pain ignorance isn’t anything to write home about either, as Slapstick’s main advantage is undoubtedly regeneration. Of the two, Slapstick is the only one who has showcased a legitimate healing factor, and as far as that goes, he is every bit as broken as your average cartoon. It has allowed him to shrug off blows from physically stronger foes, making Freakazoid’s higher strength basically useless, especially when you take into account all the other tenacious examples of it. Blades and explosions do nothing to him, nor does gunfire or broken bones, and even entire limbs getting annihilated can just be regrown. Pair in that Electroplasm is naturally indestructible, and Freakazoid really has no means of killing Slapstick in his standard arsenal. His telekinesis, while useful in pushing or grabbing opponents as well as objects, can’t help either, and while he is more adept at breaking the 4th Wall, it doesn’t grant any actual advantage. 


So, Slapstick does solidly take both abilities and arsenal, but just like stats, we are at an impasse. Freakazoid may be stronger, but Slapstick’s own durability and regeneration due to Electroplasm renders him basically unkillable to Freak. However, Slapstick himself has this same problem, where he can't out-muscle Freakazoid’s own durability with his powers. Seems like a stalemate right? Well, not exactly, as now we have to cover their weaknesses.


In this degree, both of theirs are fairly specific, so let’s start from the beginning. Electroplasm is tough but not unbeatable, which is the same case with Steven. Slapstick can be knocked out, and a few esoteric powers, like time manipulation or mental illusions, can simply bypass his toonforce with ease. Electroplasm itself is vulnerable to magic dampening radiation, as well as other weapons composed of Electroplasm, and of course the specific electric frequency, which splatters him into goop and effectively kills him. On Freakazoid’s end, his own energy field can be tampered with and cause him to glitch out and eventually cause his own death unless he stops it entirely (even after beating Gutierrez he still had to fix it manually). After getting shocked on other occasions, his own “circuits” were shorted out, which resulted in his powers malfunctioning and making it impossible for him to change back into Dexter. Finally, as he revealed to Gutierrez, his main weakness is Graphite bars charged with Negative Ions, which cancel out his powers and likely reduce the energy attributable to his field given details on his abilities as noted in the weakness section.


Now that that’s done, how do they interact? It should also be noted that this is effectively what the entire fight hinges on, as both are nearly unkillable when discussing other factors. After careful consideration, the edge here would ultimately go to Slapstick. In the simplest of descriptions, Slapstick’s weaknesses are pretty much inaccessible to Freakazoid under any and all metrics. While Electroplasm can be bypassed by mental attacks or simply reverting Steve into his state before becoming Slapstick, Freakazoid lacks any method of either. He can’t invade Slapstick’s mind due to no mental invasion powers (which even then you could argue Slapstick resists due to his original adventure in Ecch) and he certainly can’t revert him back to Steve. Even in the sense that he could turn back to Slapstick via his gloves in his initial appearances, which you could argue Freakazoid could figure out, Steven himself canonically lost that ability, and is just stuck as Slapstick. Similarly, Freakazoid doesn’t have any means of shutting down magic (which itself is debatable if that should work given Electroplasm has never been stated to be magic) and no means of manipulating electricity to the degree required here, meaning he can’t really weaponize the select frequency and splatter Slapstick. Even if he could weaponize electricity more skillfully than just ramming him while lit up, actually finding the correct frequency is something he surely can’t do given how random and specific it is, and thus, Freakazoid simply lacks any method of killing Slapstick. But, what about incapacitation? You could argue Freakazoid could simply knock Slapstick out… but that instance happened once in his entire career, when he has remained conscious after hits from much stronger foes later on, like Radioactive Man or the Tactagon. Freakazoid has no other method of stopping Slapstick, like BFR for example, and thus, no matter how strong he is or the Freakmobile’s gear, he simply can’t get rid of Steven. So, what can Slapstick do instead?


Well, Freakazoid shares similar issues, where his weaknesses are fairly specific and closed off, but surprisingly, Slapstick can actually perfectly exploit them. In essence, Freakazoid is a cyberbeing, and treated like one in regards to his energy sources and “circuits.” Either of these notions being altered has wreaked havoc on his powers, with Gutierrez’ example outright being noted to kill him in an hour if not fixed directly at the source of the original fault. “But,” you’re surely saying, “Slapstick isn’t a cyberbeing! How can he affect Freakazoid like this?” That does seem rather odd, but remember, Slapstick’s powers are primarily based on electromagnetic manipulation, and how Electroplasm reacts to electricity. He could originally turn into Slapstick through shocking his molecules into the form of Slapstick, and this same shock saved him from being a puddle for the rest of his days. It is this same relation that is his greatest weakness, and in this case, his greatest strength. Recall how his body naturally reacts positively to electricity, and how he himself can manipulate electromagnetic forces like to open a locker door and gain praise that he knows what he’s doing. Freakazoid naturally moves as electricity plenty of times, and his own “energy field” has been shown able to be accessed in the physical world, like by Lobe’s Film-Steal machine. Seeing the picture yet?


In short, Slapstick naturally absorbs and grows stronger from electricity, and in this case, he is fully capable of taking this same energy from Freakazoid. Not only does Freakazoid frequently move as electricity, meaning any time he does this is an option from Slapstick to sap his power while growing stronger himself, but the nature of his energy field being accessible from just interacting with him likely means Slapstick can drain directly from it. While he hasn’t exactly done this before in combat, it’s important to note that both of them are pretty much unkillable otherwise. How long it may take or if it is out of character isn’t really a factor, as both will just keep fighting otherwise. Once we actually lay the possibility on the table, things really start to turn the other way. Slapstick’s energy absorption would not only weaken Freakazoid, but amplify his own powers as well, which by definition would decrease the distance between his own attack potency and Freakazoid’s durability, potentially allowing him to physically put Freakazoid down over time. Even if that wasn’t in the equation entirely and he did not gain anything from the absorption, it would still take energy from Freakazoid, and leave him with very little if at all. We can support how damning this would be to him with the weakness he revealed to Gutierrez in Graphite Bars charged with negative ions. With no energy for Freakazoid to utilize, which the negative ion trap would result in, he is helpless to escape. Once Gutierrez messed with the power source itself from Cyberspace, Freakazoid’s powers glitched to the point that he would die in a mere hour unless he fixed it. Here? He has no means of figuring out whether Slapstick can even do this before it’s too late, or means of stopping him once he gets going.


To further this, general versatility once again falls on Slapstick, as he needs to get close in order to do this, and to touch Freakazoid to begin with. In that sense, if Freakazoid found out Slapstick was doing this, he could potentially play keep-away… but he lacks long-range weaponry, or significant ways to attack from a distance. Even worse, his weapons in the first place are limited, and he doesn’t have nearly as big a supply as Slapstick to fall back on. Freakazoid’s only possible method of victory is stealing Slapstick’s Anti-Electroplasm weaponry via Telekinesis and using it against him, which is technically possible, but unlikely. Not only does he have no means of figuring out these weapons can kill Slapstick, but he has to actually hit Slapstick with them and deal numerous fatal blows, as Slapstick has actually defeated both users of these weapons despite the fact that they could actually kill him, so it’s no walk-in-the-park even if Freakazoid actually grabs them. To add insult to injury, he wouldn’t even get the chance to begin with, given Slapstick’s much higher overall speed. Even worse is how one of these tools, Bro-Man’s Sword of Greykin, has been stated to “cut through anything” and has shown examples supporting that, like cutting through dimensions or Electroplasm itself, which is indestructible, which would mean the Sword could also kill Freakazoid if worse came to worse. As such, no matter what you buy in how their powers work, Slapstick is the only one here who is a means of victory, whether by his absorption or Sword of Greykin. From both those factors, Slapstick solidly takes arsenal and abilities.


Tertiary Factors

After the text jumble that was arsenal and abilities (2,619 words and about 20% of the blog btw) this category is much easier to decide, and an equally easy victory for Slapstick. It shouldn’t come as a surprise, when he’s the only one here with actual examples in the relevant trio here. Starting with experience, Freakazoid has been a superhero for over 6 months in his show, which you could argue extends to over 1 year given episode makeup. Meanwhile, Slapstick has been a hero for years (at least 6 in canon), and more when he became a mercenary. That also extends to higher skill, as while Freakazoid has been trained by Roddy and fought all types of monstrous foes, Slapstick’s assassin experience with the likes of Deadpool or training with heroes like the Thing is simply more impressive, and of the two, he’s fought many more foes that traditional strategy won’t defeat. You can take his many encounters in Ecch for blatant examples of this, where most of them could not be killed or stopped by traditional means, such as Bro-Man, yet he still managed to outsmart them and find the opening he needed. 


That is actually Slapstick’s most meaningful advantage here, as finding the cracks in your opponents shields to exploit their weaknesses is reliant on intelligence first and foremost. In Slapstick’s case, while he may be comically dumb or not understand techno-whatsis to the degree of Spider-Man, he is by no means an idiot. From besting the cyborg supercomputer Quasimodo, to outwitting Spider-Man and Deadpool, to even his many aforementioned examples of defeating Electroplasm monsters. In contrast, Freakazoid is much more prone to moments of stupidity, and while he is smarter at his best, the flaw is still present, and certainly more so than Slapstick. Heck, enough physical trauma has caused him to mentally withdraw and become even worse in the intellect department, meaning Slapstick takes all categories here.

Conclusion

Slapstick

Advantages: 

  • More durable due to Electroplasm’s properties

  • Much faster in reactionary terms

  • More versatile overall, and holds superior tools for combat

  • His healing and toonlike nature make him virtually impossible for Freakazoid to actually kill, despite his much greater strength

  • Is the only one of them with attainable win-conditions, or a surefire win in his Sword of Greykin

  • Holds the tertiary trio in spades

  • Literally has no balls, but still got himself a girlfriend IN SPITE of that (common Slapstick W)


Disadvantages:

  • Much weaker physically

  • Freakazoid is physically faster, though it won’t matter much

  • Freakazoid’s own defense and somewhat limited healing make killing him a chore

  • His weapons could potentially be stolen by telekinesis, which is a very useful power here

  • Still has no balls

  • Comic is dead


Freakazoid

Advantages:

  • Far stronger overall

  • Faster in pure movement speed

  • His own “healing factor” makes it hard for Slapstick to kill him, and his own durability furthers that

  • Telekinesis is a useful tool for potentially stealing Slapstick’s weapons

  • Got a cameo in Teen Titans Go!


Disadvantages:

  • Much more exploitable weaknesses in comparison

  • Lacks any solid method of killing or incapacitating Slapstick

  • Slapstick is the only one here that has a means of victory, in potentially messing with Freakazoid’s power source or bypassing his durability with the Sword of Greykin

  • Is much less versatile, both in innate powers and hammerspace weapons

  • Inferior in skill, experience, and intelligence

  • Cartoon is dead


In short, this debate has many factors to consider, but at the end of the day they only align with one result. Freakazoid may be physically stronger to an absurd degree, and more durable to the point that Slapstick himself can’t overpower his durability, but Steven has that same advantage through his powers. Due to Electroplasm’s quirks and healing properties, Freakazoid himself lacks the ability to put Slapstick down as well through raw physicality. Since it then falls to their abilities and arsenals, Slapstick soldily takes the lead, due to being a far more proper toon, and showcasing much better examples of hammerspace or simple regeneration. He will always win the war of attrition, especially when he is the only one of the pair with a reliable win-condition through draining Freakazoid’s power supply, which would both flip the power difference over time, as well as endanger Freakazoid even further. It certainly doesn’t help Freak’s case that Slapstick is literally 100 times faster, has a separate method of victory through the Sword of Greykin, and clutches all tertiary factors by a mile. No option Freakazoid has left at that point can save himself or get rid of Slapstick, and when only one has the capability to win, as well as so many other notable advantages, it can only go to him. He may have been the stronger Super-Freak, but Freakazoid just wasn’t a match for Marvel’s zany lunatic.


The winner…is Slapstick.

Final Tally


Slapstick (1) - Round 1 Fight (me)


Freakazoid (0) - Aw nuttbunnies.


Why I like it

I originally intended to follow up on what I did with Tails vs Franklin in Kingpin vs Penguin (Bang’s idea ftr) but I suppose I’ll start with this due to the significance it has. This was what basically spiraled into my owning a rather large blog server, and making many, many passion projects about some of my most wanted fights over the years. So, out of all matchups, why this? It’s not exactly in my top 20 most wanted or anything, nor do I have any connection with either party or anything to justify its place as my starting point. So why?


I just think it’s neat.


Ok but seriously, I just really like it. Both Slapstick and Freakazoid are frequently matched up against a variety of other cartoon/toon-force users, ranging from eh to decent to good, but in my mind, this idea is the best for both. For some basic connections…

  • Both are superheroes created in the 1990s with rubber-hose inspired superpowers which they used to fight crime as obvious parodies of the superhero genre. In that sense, both are casually pretty meta about superhero shows, while also making nods to the 4th Wall on plenty of occasions.

  • They were once normal high schoolers, albeit on the unpopular side (Steve Harmon was a class clown, Dexter Douglas was a computer nerd), but their lives would be altered when they were transported to an extradimensional world (Dimension X and Cyberspace) which granted them their toon powers, along with breaking their minds.

  • After being mentored by their powers by figures associated directly in their creation in the first place (Ecch’s Scientist Supreme being associated with the Warlord that created the portal Steven went through, while Roddy McStew worked for the company that made the Chip which turned Dexter to Freakazoid) they became “superheroes” who did very well seek to do good, but were only really motivated by personal gain (they both canonically started being heroes to get lucky).

  • From that point on, they would become practical jokers on crime with the powers of demigods, wreaking havoc on all member of parodies of popular fictional properties (Slapstick’s latest series references basically every cartoon known to man, while Freakazoid frequently references other media, superheroes, and fights various esoteric monsters, like Vorn the Unspeakable, who is basically Cthulhu).


Obviously it isn’t exactly as connection heavy as needed to justify it being “the best for both,” but yet again I just like what it does have to offer. In regards to other opponents, let's talk about somebody like the Mask against either of them. It’s easy to see why it exists given the parodic and 4th wall nature of both, but Mask doesn’t cover Steven or Dexter being teenage superheroes, nor is he one himself. This mostly continues on with other toon options for both, where the connections are mostly surface level that don’t really go beyond “cartoon parody.” In this match's favor, while it is based on them being cartoon parodies, it also plays into both being superheroes, teenagers, and various other smaller similarities that I prefer. They frequently dabble with parodies of genres like cartoons and comics while being self-aware, but not to the point of making it their entire personalities (the humor in Slapstick and Freakazoid’s material is pretty identical if you ask me), and are heavily associated with an extradimensional world that created their powers, to the point that they have gone back multiple times to stop people messing with it. Similarly, it’s the most grounded option for either, which really lets their own cartoon powers shine when put against someone in their weight class (as opposed to the Mask, who eats nukes for fun and ate part of the moon).


Not exactly anything major or any real reason for liking it, I just find it interesting and that’s kind of it to be honest. If you wanted an actual reason, I just find Slapstick specifically an incredibly interesting character, and like most of my other matches, I looked for the best one, and found Freakazoid. It has good connections, great fight potential, and things innate to it that others don’t. 


Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this blog, and thanks for your patience regarding this remake. See you in the next one!

Next Time…

So, here's my first official blog remake. Sorry it took so long. Long story short, I'm redoing basically all of my first wave from the ground up, fixing any errors and replacing the dead images. I'll be doing these until they are all up to my current standards, so don't worry about any of the blogs pre-Tails vs Franklin, as I will be redoing them.


That said, what's next?



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